Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Happy Birthday, Dad!



So, tomorrow is my dad's birthday.  If you know me, even a little bit, you know even though my mom is my best friend, I'm a daddy's girl through and through.  I am so blessed God chose me to be his daughter.  We have an incredible relationship that I am beyond thankful for.  He is an amazing husband to my mother (for 34 years), a brother, son, uncle, friend, coach (to a bunch of awesome young ladies), and a wonderful father (to me AND Maggie!).

He coached me in little league, has been there for all of my firsts....kindergarten, high school, college, grad school, boyfriends, & breakups.  He fixes my flats when I run over potholes - yes plural (sorry, dad) and is an extremely hard working man.  I love talking sports with him and our little inside joke of making this crazy face when no one else is looking....until my mom gets mad because she thinks we are leaving her out,(oh, Sandy).  I could seriously go on and on!  My dad is awesome and I thank God everyday for putting such a stable, honest, dependable, loving man in my life to teach me all the ways of the world.  I'm almost 28 and he still calls me Tootie and I love that.  So, happy birthday dad.  Thanks for always being there for me, for loving me (& mom), and being the best dad and one of the most amazingly cool people I have ever met. Every girl should be as blessed as I have been/will be. I LOVE YOU!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Life as I know it...

It's amazing the things you can figure out at night when you're laying in a cold dark room, staring at a ceiling you can't see with your mind wandering in circles about things that make you go hmmmmm..... Jason Mraz lyrics fill the air with the music that is like a soundtrack of my soul. Searching for meaning in this ever changing world can be exhausting because its a journey with no end. I've discovered that simply being alive is good enough for me. Doing things that make me happy and living my life with a faith in God that sets my heart on fire. I am completley unafraid of what life might throw at me. Embracing change with open arms and loving that tomorrow is a new day. A clean slate to make the most of. Reconnecting with the me that makes me happy. Stepping out into a cruel world with scars on my heart. Some of which are almost too painful to look at and others were self inflicted. Realizing this is who I am...and being completely content with it. I will close my eyes and drift off to sleep, only to wake up to a reality that is better than anything in my dreams. Ready to take on the world and be the very best me that I can. Unique to the core and happy that the smile on my face is the best accessory I will put on all day. Loving everyone in my life for all the things they have taught me, what the new ones will teach me, and for loving me in return for just. being. me.
 
Until next time....

Sunday, March 27, 2011

A little of this...a lot of that..

So, I start blogs all the time and never seem to get around to finishing them. Here are pieces of blogs that never got an ending. They were all worthy of finishing, but thought it might be fun to look at them all in one place. Anyway, here you go.  They were never meant to be put in one place, but reading them you can get a jist of where I was trying to go. New blog with one thought coming shortly! Happy reading. =)

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Exerpt #1
There are so many moments in my life I wish I could relive. It's crazy how when we look back on the little moments and realize that they were really big moments. I hate missing people more than anything. That feeling in your gut that there is no cure for. You know? Especially when you miss people who are only in your memory.
                            
I am guilty of taking people for granted in my life. I made a vow to myself recently that I never wanted the people in my life to wonder if I cared about them. I look back on my life and wish I had told people that I loved them more often or how much I cared about them, appreciated them. Some of those people are alive and I can certainly fix that, but some of them aren't and I just have to hope that they knew. I hate that.

I hate that I get so caught up in my own life that I tend to forget to be involved in others lives. Many of my friends have spouses and kids. Some of my friends have been through divorce. A few of my friends have lost someone who meant the world to them and I can't even seem to find time in my day to ask them how they are. How selfish is that? I care about everyone in my life and care enough that I should be asking them what's new, what's up, or even just saying hello more often.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I wish we spent more time loving on people. I feel like we tend to forget we are all in this together. We allow ourselves to get caught up in the drama and the he said she said of it all and fail to realize that we are all we have. We need other people in our lives to lean on, to help us get through the tough times and it honestly makes my stomach turn to think about how we treat people sometimes.

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Exerpt #2 

Do you ever wonder if you're going down the wrong path? Like for awhile things look familiar, you're pretty confident you're in the right place then its like all of a sudden you're looking around asking yourself...."where the hell am I at?" You really can't remember veering off course & you're not sure if you took a wrong turn or not, but you find yourself asking about a billion questions and none of the answers make sense. You start yelling & even though people can hear you...they're not listening. Yes, there is a difference. It's SO frustrating. Anyway - enough complaining. Hey, we all have our days!
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Exerpt #3 - This one cracks me up, only because it is SO true.
So, I've never really had the whole "timing" thing down. I actually feel like I'm pretty decent at a lot of things, but I can openly admit that when it comes to timing...I just flat out suck. 

"Two people can be perfect for each other but if the timing's wrong it's never going to work out. Bad timing is the reason that most normal people end up single. Weirdos and creeps are single cause they are weird and creepy but people like us are single because of bad timing. " -Adam Levy (Love & Sex)

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Exerpt #4

For me, life is about learning...everyday. I learn to be a better daughter, friend, follower of Christ, employee, student, etc. It's pretty crazy when you think about it...all the roles you play in your own life you sometimes don't realize the role you play in the lives of others. I said it a few blogs ago that even though it may seem like things have bad timing in our own lives, everything in life happens with perfect planning from God. Although we sometimes fail to see the purpose of the plan that is unfolding, we must understand that it will all make sense in the end. Faith and patience....it's what I live by - or try to anyways. 

It's funny how life turns out is usually the total opposite of how we imagined it would.

see you soon...
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Sunday, February 20, 2011

Long time no see!

So, I've been busy. Okay, okay...I've been ridiculously busy. I'm not even sure anyone actually missed my blogs, but I missed writing them! So here were are.....as I procrastinate studying for Biology exam. Hmmph. I just can't muster up the motivation to do anything that involves my brain to function on some sort of an intellectual level. Hey, you can't win them all, right?

When I was 20, if you would have asked me what I thought I would be doing when I was 28 I probably would have told you working, being a wife, and a mom. Funny how the plans you often make for yourself aren't even close to the plans the big man has for you. The more of life I live the more I believe in fate and the more I believe in God's plan for my life. I gave up trying to figure that out a long time ago. I figured that He would bring people into my life when He felt like I was ready for them and put me in situations where I would be in trouble if I didn't trust Him. I never would have planned out the story that has actually been written for me, but I am so thankful He is better at writing this book than I am. I often feel undeserving of a lot of things in my life. I am beyond blessed to share this life of mine with some incredible people. These people have challenged me, encouraged me, and loved me....all in perfect timing.

I feel like if I would have been writing my own novel it wouldn't have been as exciting. I would have a nice house, loving husband, a stable job, and a couple of cool kiddos. Not that I don't want all of that, but looking back...I was never really ready for any of that. I am finally starting to figure out who I am...who God meant for me to be. I feel like you can't REALLY know anyone else until you know yourself and just recently have I discovered that. I'll be the first to admit that my path isn't always clear. I make my fair share of mistakes and I know that I always will. The one thing I do know and can always fall back on is that my story is still being written....every day. When I feel like I'm standing still its only because the next page hasn't been written yet. I find comfort in knowing that the best is yet to come and that its something bigger and better than I could have ever planned for myself.

I promise to write more often. I hope you like reading as much as I like writing. =)

see you soon.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Cheers to 2010....

As the end of 2010 approaches I find myself reflecting on probably the most eventful year of my life. I started school again to become a Physician Assistant. It's been difficult and at times I've wondered what in the hell I got myself into, but at the end of the day I always know in the back of my mind that this is what I was meant to do.

I met a lot of really great people, rekindled friendships with some old friends, and had probably the most fun summer of my life. I spent a lot of time thinking about my life this year. What I wanted, where I saw myself, and what was really going to make me happy. Not like happy right now, but like truly happy. I'm usually extremely stubborn in the fact that I feel like I don't need other people to be happy and over the last year I realize that the people in my life ARE what make me happy.

It's funny how I said I would never move back to southern Illinois. I lost a lot when I made that decision back in 2003. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like had I moved back or never left at all. But, I did leave and I didn't move back (for good) until this summer. I finally feel like I'm at "home". This place is me and I think it always has been. Sometimes the path isn't always clear, but just because we can't see where the road in front of us leads doesn't mean we should stop walking. My path just happened to lead be right back where I started from. I think that's the funny thing about life - you often find the answers in places you never expected.

Here's to one hell of a 2o1o & hopes for a 2011 that is better than anythying I could have ever imagined. Have an extremely blessed Christmas and a safe and happy New Year.


until next time...

Monday, November 15, 2010

measure of a man...rest in peace, Cal



Life is crazy. Sometimes I don't get it....okay most of the time I don't get it. As a God-fearing Christian I find the ultimate test of my faith is to not question Him when something goes wrong. It's SO hard and something I struggle with often. I attempt to find refuge in the fact that when life begins there is a plan created. Bigger than anything I could ever dream of for myself. I feel that once we carry out that plan, we have done the work God intended us to do on this earth & He calls us home....

A great man was called home yesterday. Dan Callahan was one of the most incredible people I have ever had the privelege to meet and know. He was extraordinarily passionate about people. He was caring, selfless, compassionate, sincere, and probably every other adjective I could find abut being a "good person". I valued and trusted his opinion. I can't even being to count the number of lives he touched between the community of southern Illinois, his Saluki family, his family & friends, and even just people involved with the game of baseball. It's amazing to me that one person could have so much impact on so many people and if you met Cal, even once, you knew he was a lot of things to a lot of people. Son, husband, father, uncle, cousin, coach, friend.

There are countless stories that will be shared among friends over the next few days and for a lifetime. I think everyone who reads this has probably gotten a hand written 'Thank You' card from Cal or a hello and a handshake. I would bet all the money I could get my hands on that if he was shaking your hand, he knew your name and if it was the first time meeting you, he'd never forget it. I think everyone has a different definition of a 'great person' or qualities that make up those people in your life who you just know are special. It's amazing to me that we can all agree Cal would fit into that role in all of our lives.

When I was a Grad Assistant at SIU & covered Baseball for two seasons, I got to know Cal pretty well. He never called me Ashley, always Ash. Even little things like that - felt like he truly cared about you. We kept in touch over the years. Would always enjoy seeing 'dcal' in my email inbox. When I was working for the St. Louis Blues a year after I had graduated, I got a card from him at work thanking me for caring so much about Saluki Baseball. Just this last spring, Chris Stone, Katie Louis and I went to a game. He had e-mailed me the day before to make sure I was coming. He said I don't care if we lose by 10...you come see me after the game. Well, SIU lost 13-1. I walked over to the dugout and he gave me a hug and talked to Katie and I for awhile. That's the last conversation I ever had with him in person and I'll never forget it.
When we lose people we love we are fast brought back to a reality we are all guilty of ignoring. Its almost as if we get so busy living out our day to day lives we forget about the things that really matter. Knowing the man that Cal was makes me want to be a better person. I am guilty of taking for granted the people in my life and Cal never did that. Think about that the next time you meet someone new.

Its funny how when you first meet someone you never really know what purpose they will serve in your life. I had no idea the day I met Cal that he would become a man I have grown to admire so much. His zest for life and for all the people in it are something I hope to carry with me forever.

(((hugs))) to all who read this. May you find peace and comfort in knowing he's in a place where there is no hurt. I feel more than honored and beyond blessed to have known Coach Cal, the epitome of a truly great man...I hope you are too.

until next time...


Friday, November 5, 2010

Things I am Thankful For...Part 1

So, here we are...5 days into November & I'm a little irritated that Mother Nature totally jipped us out of a Fall. It went from like 80 to 40 in what, two weeks. Okay, that's probably way off, but you get what I mean.

Anyway, I'm going to post a *Special* Thanksgiving post once a week until the big day. I'm going to start out pretty light hearted & get more serious as we get closer so don't think I'm not thankful for my family, friends, etc. I'll get there.... Until then, have way too much fun reading this & hopefully laughing a little. *hugs*

I am THANKFUL for:
  • Stash's Black Chai Spice Tea
  • Kentucky Wildcats Basketball
  • Family Guy
  • Crosswalks on campus
  • Backscratchers
  • My wedge knee high cuff boots from Nordstrom
  • North Face
  • John Wall
  • St. Louis Blues Hockey
  • People who appreciate my love of random trivia
  • People who can quote movies with me
  • Scarves
  • Clean sheet day
  • McDonald's UNsweet Iced Tea
  • My Chem lab parter Erica
  • Les Mills BodyCombat
  • Bobby pins for Blonde hair
  • Naps
  • Thin Mint girl scout cookies
  • shortcuts
  • flip flops
  • pedicures
  • acoustic guitars
  • guys that play acoustic guitars
  • Nachos
  • Hot wings
  • Ice cold beer
  • Shiraz
  • Jalapeno flavored chips

I know... These are super random, but I am super random so it fits quite well. Check back for Part 2 next week! =) New blog up Monday. Have a great weekend lovely people.