Love God. Love others. End of story.

The last couple of weeks have been very eye opening for me.  I have learned a lot about myself and realized a lot of things I probably should have been doing a long time ago.  This life should be very simple.  Love God. Love others.  Everything else is just a note in this melody that makes our life.  I'm not sure at what point I got so caught up in my own life and making decisions I think are best for me that I forgot the biggest thing of all.  This life isn't about me...at all.  I needed to get my life in check, and fast. 

I have spent a lot of the last two weeks alone and I have spent the majority of that time praying.  I have had no specific requests, just that God lead me in the direction He intended for me to go.  To reveal to me, even a little bit, part of the plan He had created for my life.  I think we all get to a point in our lives where we could use a little clarity and I needed it more than ever and I knew there was only one person who could  give it to me. 

I have gone down so many roads in my life and have had to turn around and get back to the intersection and say okay, what's next.  I chose the paths that were most convenient for ME at the time and ignored everything else.  Well, guess where that got me?  Nowhere.  It's amazing what you discover when you let go and let God. I read the parable of the prodigal son a few times and have given thanks to God for serving Him....who is ALWAYS faithful even when I am not.

Love God. 

I do my best to encourage those people in my life.  I try to keep up with what is going on in their lives, but I think I need to do a better job of just unconditionally loving people.  I think the people who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it the most.  I also think I sometimes only love people who love me in return and that can't always be the case.  I enourage you to lift someone up in prayer who you are having trouble forgiving for something, someone who can't do anything for you, give you anything....just love them. Enourage them.  It's amazing what love can do.  It is the most powerful, unselfish, amazing gift we can ever give someone and I don't think we do it enough. 

Love people. 

I am doing my best to follow the path God has given me.  I am taking everyday as a blessing and accepting of the gifts He is giving me and I'll tell you one thing...my heart is overflowing with happiness.  I feel extremely humbled and blessed to be on this amazing journey and I can have faith in knowing that no matter how many times I may stumble there is someone  who will never give up on me as long as I continue to seek Him in all that I am and all that I do. 

I hope you all have an amazingly wonderful week.  You are all so special to me and I hope that you know how thankful I am to have each and every one of you in my life. 

Until next time.....(which I promise won't be so long next time!)

What its all about...in my mind anyway.

It's so true what they say...life isn't about finding yourself, its about creating yourself.  I absolutely believe that.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing something wrong or if I should have more answers than I do.  I struggle alot, trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.  When I sit down to think about it...I realize that those moments ARE my life.  This is what it's all about. Losing and finding yourself, making mistakes, learning lessons, and creating an opportunity for yourself to do something amazing with your life. 

I am 28 years old.  I live in my parents basement....and yes, I'm still trying to figure it all out.  I'm okay with that.  I could have a full time job, a husband, maybe a couple of kids, but I can tell you I know I wouldn't be happy. Now, I don't mean I don't want all of those things...I absolutely do. I just feel like if I were to have all that right now, I would be settling for something that isn't everything I want and that is just something I cannot do.  I would rather be happy and I think we often forget that we must work in order to live and not live to work. 

Life isn't about your 8/9-5.  It's about so much more than that.  I feel like far too often we get caught up in that work is our life and forget about what really matters.  Establishing, building, and maintaining relationships with family and friends, taking time to do what you love and surround yourself with people who make you laugh.  I would rather have all of that and an okay job than a job where I worked all the time, made great money, but had virtually no special relationships in my life. 

I am so thankful to have a lot of amazing people in my little world.  Despite my "lack of direction" I feel like I'm absolutely on the right path...if that makes sense. =) I hope that whatever you are doing with your life, you're happy.  My motto is that life is way too short to be anything but happy.  I hope you live by it too. 

Hope you all have an amazingly wonderful day.

Until next time...

Kids say the darndest things...

So, last fall I went to visit my cousin Courtney & her husband, Brett, in Springfield.  There was a UFC fight one of the nights I was there so we went to their neighbors house and below is an actual conversation I had with an insightful 4 year old named Ethan.  I ran across this in a note I had posted on Facebook after it happened and it still makes me laugh.

E: "Do you have a son?"
A: "No."
E: "Do you have a daughter?"
A: "No."
E: "You mean it's just yourself?!?!"
A: "Yep. That's right."
E: "Well why don't you have any kids?"
A: "Because I'm not married."
E: "Well, why aren't you married?"
A: "Because I...wait...where are your parents?"

E: "Girls don't drink beer."
A: "Shouldn't you be in bed?"


I couldn't help but laugh. Anyway...just a little funny to brighten your weekend.  Actual post coming on Monday so come back & visit soon. =)

Taking my own advice...

So, I was cleaning out my e-mail earlier today and ran across this message.  I sent this e-mail to a friend who was struggling at the time, but it's funny how I read it when I needed to hear it.  Definitely needed to hear this and take my own advice.  I hope that if you're at a point of uncertainty in your life that these words help you too... as much as I hope they helped my friend and as much as they helped me.  Hope you all have a wonderful week.

Until next time...

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It's so crazy you e-mailed me because you've been on my mind/heart alot lately.  I just have this feeling lately that you're not happy...like at all. Trust me when I say that I can completely understand how you feel. I've been there...more than once. Sometimes I feel like nothing works out for me...ever. But, by the grace of God, I can wake up with an honest smile on my face because I trust that in HIS perfect timing my life will workout and I can look back on everything and say wow...it really was worth it.

I can do all I want to try and fill the voids in my life, but I will be disappointed every single time because if I'm doing things because I want them to happen then they will never work....no matter how bad I think I want them to.  It's hard to let go of something you love (hardest thing I've ever done), but at some point you have to just give it to God and let Him make of it what is to be made of it. 

I hope that you're still seeking the Lord with all your heart.  That is the only way you will find true happiness. Sometimes you have to lose everything in order to gain anything and thats scary! There is only one thing you have to do in order to get this amazing future God has promised...you have to pray about it...all the time.  Its all about surrender and just falling to your knees. Praising God should be your first reaction instead of your last resort and always remember that prayer is just as important when the sun is shining as it is when it rains.

I pray for you every night for you to find your way. But like I told you before, I can want this for you all I want, but your heart has to be in it...110%. Things happen in this life that I fail to understand daily, but I rest in the fact that God will never put something in my life without giving me the strength to deal with it first.

Happy Birthday, Dad!

So, tomorrow is my dad's birthday.  If you know me, even a little bit, you know even though my mom is my best friend, I'm a daddy's girl through and through.  I am so blessed God chose me to be his daughter.  We have an incredible relationship that I am beyond thankful for.  He is an amazing husband to my mother (for 34 years), a brother, son, uncle, friend, coach (to a bunch of awesome young ladies), and a wonderful father (to me AND Maggie!).

He coached me in little league, has been there for all of my firsts....kindergarten, high school, college, grad school, boyfriends, & breakups.  He fixes my flats when I run over potholes - yes plural (sorry, dad) and is an extremely hard working man.  I love talking sports with him and our little inside joke of making this crazy face when no one else is looking....until my mom gets mad because she thinks we are leaving her out,(oh, Sandy).  I could seriously go on and on!  My dad is awesome and I thank God everyday for putting such a stable, honest, dependable, loving man in my life to teach me all the ways of the world.  I'm almost 28 and he still calls me Tootie and I love that.  So, happy birthday dad.  Thanks for always being there for me, for loving me (& mom), and being the best dad and one of the most amazingly cool people I have ever met. Every girl should be as blessed as I have been/will be. I LOVE YOU!

Life as I know it...

It's amazing the things you can figure out at night when you're laying in a cold dark room, staring at a ceiling you can't see with your mind wandering in circles about things that make you go hmmmmm..... Jason Mraz lyrics fill the air with the music that is like a soundtrack of my soul. Searching for meaning in this ever changing world can be exhausting because its a journey with no end. I've discovered that simply being alive is good enough for me. Doing things that make me happy and living my life with a faith in God that sets my heart on fire. I am completley unafraid of what life might throw at me. Embracing change with open arms and loving that tomorrow is a new day. A clean slate to make the most of. Reconnecting with the me that makes me happy. Stepping out into a cruel world with scars on my heart. Some of which are almost too painful to look at and others were self inflicted. Realizing this is who I am...and being completely content with it. I will close my eyes and drift off to sleep, only to wake up to a reality that is better than anything in my dreams. Ready to take on the world and be the very best me that I can. Unique to the core and happy that the smile on my face is the best accessory I will put on all day. Loving everyone in my life for all the things they have taught me, what the new ones will teach me, and for loving me in return for just. being. me.

 

Until next time....

A little of this...a lot of that..

So, I start blogs all the time and never seem to get around to finishing them. Here are pieces of blogs that never got an ending. They were all worthy of finishing, but thought it might be fun to look at them all in one place. Anyway, here you go.  They were never meant to be put in one place, but reading them you can get a jist of where I was trying to go. New blog with one thought coming shortly! Happy reading. =)

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Exerpt #1
There are so many moments in my life I wish I could relive. It's crazy how when we look back on the little moments and realize that they were really big moments. I hate missing people more than anything. That feeling in your gut that there is no cure for. You know? Especially when you miss people who are only in your memory.

                            

I am guilty of taking people for granted in my life. I made a vow to myself recently that I never wanted the people in my life to wonder if I cared about them. I look back on my life and wish I had told people that I loved them more often or how much I cared about them, appreciated them. Some of those people are alive and I can certainly fix that, but some of them aren't and I just have to hope that they knew. I hate that.

I hate that I get so caught up in my own life that I tend to forget to be involved in others lives. Many of my friends have spouses and kids. Some of my friends have been through divorce. A few of my friends have lost someone who meant the world to them and I can't even seem to find time in my day to ask them how they are. How selfish is that? I care about everyone in my life and care enough that I should be asking them what's new, what's up, or even just saying hello more often.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I wish we spent more time loving on people. I feel like we tend to forget we are all in this together. We allow ourselves to get caught up in the drama and the he said she said of it all and fail to realize that we are all we have. We need other people in our lives to lean on, to help us get through the tough times and it honestly makes my stomach turn to think about how we treat people sometimes.

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Exerpt #2 

Do you ever wonder if you're going down the wrong path? Like for awhile things look familiar, you're pretty confident you're in the right place then its like all of a sudden you're looking around asking yourself...."where the hell am I at?" You really can't remember veering off course & you're not sure if you took a wrong turn or not, but you find yourself asking about a billion questions and none of the answers make sense. You start yelling & even though people can hear you...they're not listening. Yes, there is a difference. It's SO frustrating. Anyway - enough complaining. Hey, we all have our days!

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Exerpt #3 - This one cracks me up, only because it is SO true.

So, I've never really had the whole "timing" thing down. I actually feel like I'm pretty decent at a lot of things, but I can openly admit that when it comes to timing...I just flat out suck. 

"Two people can be perfect for each other but if the timing's wrong it's never going to work out. Bad timing is the reason that most normal people end up single. Weirdos and creeps are single cause they are weird and creepy but people like us are single because of bad timing. " -Adam Levy (Love & Sex)

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Exerpt #4

For me, life is about learning...everyday. I learn to be a better daughter, friend, follower of Christ, employee, student, etc. It's pretty crazy when you think about it...all the roles you play in your own life you sometimes don't realize the role you play in the lives of others. I said it a few blogs ago that even though it may seem like things have bad timing in our own lives, everything in life happens with perfect planning from God. Although we sometimes fail to see the purpose of the plan that is unfolding, we must understand that it will all make sense in the end. Faith and patience....it's what I live by - or try to anyways. 

It's funny how life turns out is usually the total opposite of how we imagined it would.

see you soon...

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Long time no see!

So, I've been busy. Okay, okay...I've been ridiculously busy. I'm not even sure anyone actually missed my blogs, but I missed writing them! So here were are.....as I procrastinate studying for Biology exam. Hmmph. I just can't muster up the motivation to do anything that involves my brain to function on some sort of an intellectual level. Hey, you can't win them all, right?

When I was 20, if you would have asked me what I thought I would be doing when I was 28 I probably would have told you working, being a wife, and a mom. Funny how the plans you often make for yourself aren't even close to the plans the big man has for you. The more of life I live the more I believe in fate and the more I believe in God's plan for my life. I gave up trying to figure that out a long time ago. I figured that He would bring people into my life when He felt like I was ready for them and put me in situations where I would be in trouble if I didn't trust Him. I never would have planned out the story that has actually been written for me, but I am so thankful He is better at writing this book than I am. I often feel undeserving of a lot of things in my life. I am beyond blessed to share this life of mine with some incredible people. These people have challenged me, encouraged me, and loved me....all in perfect timing.

I feel like if I would have been writing my own novel it wouldn't have been as exciting. I would have a nice house, loving husband, a stable job, and a couple of cool kiddos. Not that I don't want all of that, but looking back...I was never really ready for any of that. I am finally starting to figure out who I am...who God meant for me to be. I feel like you can't REALLY know anyone else until you know yourself and just recently have I discovered that. I'll be the first to admit that my path isn't always clear. I make my fair share of mistakes and I know that I always will. The one thing I do know and can always fall back on is that my story is still being written....every day. When I feel like I'm standing still its only because the next page hasn't been written yet. I find comfort in knowing that the best is yet to come and that its something bigger and better than I could have ever planned for myself.

I promise to write more often. I hope you like reading as much as I like writing. =)

see you soon.