Cheers to 2010....

As the end of 2010 approaches I find myself reflecting on probably the most eventful year of my life. I started school again to become a Physician Assistant. It's been difficult and at times I've wondered what in the hell I got myself into, but at the end of the day I always know in the back of my mind that this is what I was meant to do.

I met a lot of really great people, rekindled friendships with some old friends, and had probably the most fun summer of my life. I spent a lot of time thinking about my life this year. What I wanted, where I saw myself, and what was really going to make me happy. Not like happy right now, but like truly happy. I'm usually extremely stubborn in the fact that I feel like I don't need other people to be happy and over the last year I realize that the people in my life ARE what make me happy.

It's funny how I said I would never move back to southern Illinois. I lost a lot when I made that decision back in 2003. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like had I moved back or never left at all. But, I did leave and I didn't move back (for good) until this summer. I finally feel like I'm at "home". This place is me and I think it always has been. Sometimes the path isn't always clear, but just because we can't see where the road in front of us leads doesn't mean we should stop walking. My path just happened to lead be right back where I started from. I think that's the funny thing about life - you often find the answers in places you never expected.

Here's to one hell of a 2o1o & hopes for a 2011 that is better than anythying I could have ever imagined. Have an extremely blessed Christmas and a safe and happy New Year.


until next time...

measure of a man...rest in peace, Cal

Life is crazy. Sometimes I don't get it....okay most of the time I don't get it. As a God-fearing Christian I find the ultimate test of my faith is to not question Him when something goes wrong. It's SO hard and something I struggle with often. I attempt to find refuge in the fact that when life begins there is a plan created. Bigger than anything I could ever dream of for myself. I feel that once we carry out that plan, we have done the work God intended us to do on this earth & He calls us home....

A great man was called home yesterday. Dan Callahan was one of the most incredible people I have ever had the privelege to meet and know. He was extraordinarily passionate about people. He was caring, selfless, compassionate, sincere, and probably every other adjective I could find abut being a "good person". I valued and trusted his opinion. I can't even being to count the number of lives he touched between the community of southern Illinois, his Saluki family, his family & friends, and even just people involved with the game of baseball. It's amazing to me that one person could have so much impact on so many people and if you met Cal, even once, you knew he was a lot of things to a lot of people. Son, husband, father, uncle, cousin, coach, friend.

There are countless stories that will be shared among friends over the next few days and for a lifetime. I think everyone who reads this has probably gotten a hand written 'Thank You' card from Cal or a hello and a handshake. I would bet all the money I could get my hands on that if he was shaking your hand, he knew your name and if it was the first time meeting you, he'd never forget it. I think everyone has a different definition of a 'great person' or qualities that make up those people in your life who you just know are special. It's amazing to me that we can all agree Cal would fit into that role in all of our lives.

When I was a Grad Assistant at SIU & covered Baseball for two seasons, I got to know Cal pretty well. He never called me Ashley, always Ash. Even little things like that - felt like he truly cared about you. We kept in touch over the years. Would always enjoy seeing 'dcal' in my email inbox. When I was working for the St. Louis Blues a year after I had graduated, I got a card from him at work thanking me for caring so much about Saluki Baseball. Just this last spring, Chris Stone, Katie Louis and I went to a game. He had e-mailed me the day before to make sure I was coming. He said I don't care if we lose by 10...you come see me after the game. Well, SIU lost 13-1. I walked over to the dugout and he gave me a hug and talked to Katie and I for awhile. That's the last conversation I ever had with him in person and I'll never forget it.

When we lose people we love we are fast brought back to a reality we are all guilty of ignoring. Its almost as if we get so busy living out our day to day lives we forget about the things that really matter. Knowing the man that Cal was makes me want to be a better person. I am guilty of taking for granted the people in my life and Cal never did that. Think about that the next time you meet someone new.

Its funny how when you first meet someone you never really know what purpose they will serve in your life. I had no idea the day I met Cal that he would become a man I have grown to admire so much. His zest for life and for all the people in it are something I hope to carry with me forever.

(((hugs))) to all who read this. May you find peace and comfort in knowing he's in a place where there is no hurt. I feel more than honored and beyond blessed to have known Coach Cal, the epitome of a truly great man...I hope you are too.

until next time...

Things I am Thankful For...Part 1

So, here we are...5 days into November & I'm a little irritated that Mother Nature totally jipped us out of a Fall. It went from like 80 to 40 in what, two weeks. Okay, that's probably way off, but you get what I mean.

Anyway, I'm going to post a *Special* Thanksgiving post once a week until the big day. I'm going to start out pretty light hearted & get more serious as we get closer so don't think I'm not thankful for my family, friends, etc. I'll get there.... Until then, have way too much fun reading this & hopefully laughing a little. *hugs*

I am THANKFUL for:

• Stash's Black Chai Spice Tea
• Kentucky Wildcats Basketball
• Family Guy
• Crosswalks on campus
• Backscratchers
• My wedge knee high cuff boots from Nordstrom
• North Face
• John Wall
• St. Louis Blues Hockey
• People who appreciate my love of random trivia
• People who can quote movies with me
• Scarves
• Clean sheet day
• McDonald's UNsweet Iced Tea
• My Chem lab parter Erica
• Les Mills BodyCombat
• Bobby pins for Blonde hair
• Naps
• Thin Mint girl scout cookies
• shortcuts
• flip flops
• pedicures
• acoustic guitars
• guys that play acoustic guitars
• Nachos
• Hot wings
• Ice cold beer
• Shiraz
• Jalapeno flavored chips

I know... These are super random, but I am super random so it fits quite well. Check back for Part 2 next week! =) New blog up Monday. Have a great weekend lovely people.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Yeah, I realize it's September, but so much has gone on in the last week to remind me how many things in my life I have to be thankful for. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm thankful for moments. Im all about the little things. I mean after all, it's the little things added together that are the big things....the really big things. You know, those things that completely change our way of thinking. Isn't it crazy how fast that can happen and often when you least expect it? I feel like the people who are constantly trying to PLAN PLAN PLAN miss out on those little moments....those little moments make me happy (& thankful).

So - my yearly love affair is about to begin. If you know me, you know how much I love the month of October. October in southern Illinois is just about as good as it gets. The leaves change color, the air is crisp, but the sun is still shining. The smells, the pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks and I can now officially start wearing the AMAZING boots in my closet I have been staring at for the better part of the last month! This month I have 2 weddings and 3 homecomings. Busy little bee as always....come on - does that surprise you?!

Short post tonight. School is crazy right now and I feel like all I do is study, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's pretty amazing!

See you soon. =)

In Loving Memory...

I've been laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling for the better part of 2 hours. My body is so tired, but my mind is racing. I'm not a very emotional person. I'm the one who holds it all together. The one people come to when they are sad or need someone because they know my even-keeled demeanor holds the emotional stability they NEED. Sometimes...I just can't take it anymore and tonight is one of those times. A friend of mine was killed in Afghanistan this week in a helicopter accident. He was 25. His name is Josh Powell and you can read about this incredible American hero here... http://http//www.sj-r.com/breaking/x459820083/Plains-grad-among-dead-in-military-helicopter-crash-in-Afghanistan

He was my cousin Brett's best friend.....definitely like family to him and my heart is completley broken. I hate it.

At a time when there is so much I want to say, I realize that sometimes, there are no words.

See you soon.

Not a fan.....

So, I hate saying goodbye. I mean it might be my least favorite thing to do. Yes, I hate it more than I hate blow drying my hair in the morning and if you know me - you know how much I loathe that. I met a lot of great people this summer. I forged new friendships, rekindled old ones, and spent most of the summer surrounded by people who make my life absolutely incredible. I'm a big 'one day at a time' kinda person. I'm extremely organized, but definitely not a planner. I like making last minute decisions and flying by the seat of my pants...that's just how I roll. So, when all this fun was happening this summer, I wasn't thinking about having to say goodbye in a few months. NOT FUN. But, that's life. If it weren't constanly changing, we would never change. If doors didn't close, they couldn't open. C'est la vie.

Speaking of change....isn't it awesome. Most people are scared to death of it. I embrace it. I mean there are those perfect moments we wish time would stop and we could live it forever, but the reality of the situation is that even though moments are perfect, but life isn't. It's messy, it's designed to break your heart. It's wired to teach us invaluable lessons, leave us speechless, and bring us to places we never knew existed. I like not knowing what's going to happen next. I used to have that need to know attitude. Constantly looking for confirmation that things were going to be okay, work out (in my favor). After a plethera of disappointment, I decided that sometimes not knowing is best.

My host brother is heading back to New Mexico for the off season tomorrow. He was only with us for a couple of weeks, but he quickly became a part of our family and we are definitely going to miss him. Our little Yorkie, Maggie, is going to miss him the most I think. They've become pretty good buddies. =)

So, here's to not knowing, taking life one day at a time, and embracing the change that keeps us on our toes. See you soon.

If I could do it again....

Have you ever been driving along the highway and a song comes on and as you're singing the words it takes to back to a specific moment in your life that you remember so vividly it were as if it happened yesterday? It happens to me all the time. These lyrics take me back to places that I wish I could revisit, some places I wish I'd never been, & even places I hope to be in the future. They remind me of people I love, people I loved & lost, and my family. It's like these constant reminders of the journey I've taken to get to this exact moment in my life. Its kind of crazy really...how music and lyrics allow me to relive all these emotions. Some of them are completely welcome and some I could definitely do without.

So with that said...if you could go back and change one of those moments would you? How would your life be different? Would it be different at all? Sometimes I'm not sure what I would do. I have my fair share of regrettable moments. You know those things you just know you're going to regret the minute after? Not even the things you've done, but the things you didn't do. I swore when I turned 27 I wasn't going to have any of those "shoulda, coulda, woulda" moments and just truly LIVE. Not leaving things up to chance and just really putting myself out there, completely exposed for others to see. I lost and gained a lot of friends and I can finally say I feel like I'm becoming the me I'm supposed to be, so to speak. If you know me, you know my goal in life is to get where I'm going and not have to look back and say "I wish I would have...." I want to do it all, see it all, be it all. I want to fall in love, be the best friend someone could ever ask for, be the best daughter to my incredible parents, & someday be an incredible parent to kids of my own. I feel like the only way I can get there is not having regrets and just really living life....taking chances, making mistakes, and learning the lessons.

So, here's to the lyrics that write the stories, that shape my life, and remind me of a past I will never regret, a present I am loving, and a future that is full of love and amazing people to share it with.

See you soon.

She doesn't own a dress...hair is always a mess.

1) I actually own several dresses, but rarely wear them and 2) Yes, my hair is usually a mess. This song popped up on my Pandora while I was attempting to do some Chemistry homework before class and I decided to write a blog instead. I have the attention span of a gnat, I swear.

So, this whole going back to school thing has brought a gammit of emotions with it. Granted I still get carded to buy scratch off lottery tickets because I definitely don't LOOK 27, its kind of weird being a non-traditional student. I am a big people watcher....and not being involved in campus life at all allows me to sit in the Student Center and just be an onlooker. I thought that 3 hour break in between classes was going to be rough...not anymore. People watching is so fun. I think everyone should try it. I like living in my parents basement, but I do not like not having any money...someday though, right? I've never been one of those people who can sit still. I've always had more than one job which I actually like until it's time to do my taxes. Then I just play dumb and my mom does them for me. Woot.

Labor Day weekend was awesome. Hung out with a lot of great people and had a really good time. I had an amazing summer. I moved back in an effort to "Start over" and certainly had the chance to do just that. I have quickly realized that my life has so many different pieces to the puzzle and that each piece has made me every last bit of who I am. I am completely grateful for the people who force me to take life head on, for those who allow me to make the mistakes that teach me the invaluable lessons, and for those who are just so special to me that I can't find the words to thank them. You know those people who, when you meet them, you feel like they exist in your life for a specific purpose? THOSE people make my heart happy.

I have learned alot this summer...alot about myself and about other people. I can't say that I understand the conviction of people's actions any more than I did before, but I have learned that people aren't perfect and that my expectations of others should be simple. Growth is so important in any friendship/relationship. My appraoch to life can be summed up in this quote...

"The best things in life are unexpected because there were no expectations." -Eli Khamarov

Until next time...

My World of Wow....

I don' t think I'm a normal girl and many of my friends/family would agree. I mean I like to shop, have a SERIOUS addiction to Sephora, have 6 pair of black high heels, 8 LBDs (little black dresses), and I LOVE jewelry. However...I play Fantasy Football, know the difference between a breaking ball and a curveball, can tell you every team in every major college basketball conference in the NCAA and never take off my Kentucky Wildcats power balance bracelet. Oh, and I am on ESPN Radio. See what I mean. I'm confusing to most people... and by most people, I mean men. I have found myself in more awkward situations in the last month than most people will experience in a year. I make a ridiculous amount of mistakes, I hate making plans, and I enjoy flying by the seat of my pants. I am an eternal optimist and live to see the good in everyone (most of the time). I teach aerobics classes, I am going to school to be a Physician Assistant. I have been in 2 serious relationships my entire life. I'm 27 and I live in my parents basement. I don't smoke, I drink cheap beer, expensive vodka, & I love red wine. I don't believe in religion, but I have a faith in Jesus Christ as my Lord and personal savior that sets my heart on fire. I trip over my own feet alot, I have an obsession with guys who play the guitar.

What's the point of telling you all this???? All of THAT (glancing above to the snapshot of my life) is where I get my ammunition for my "stories". I say that b/c sometimes I wish they were stories and not works of non-fiction that make up my life. You will probably get to the end of some of these blogs and think no way.... or WOW. Welcome to my "World of...wow". Feel free to laugh with me as I laugh at myself because life is way too short to be anything but happy...see you soon.